Are you stirring around trying to find the perfect coffee pun? Here are a list of coffee puns to choose from that will you laugh. Coffee is one of the most popular drinks in the morning for people. It smells good, tastes, good and helps you get your day started. A list has been brewing with the best coffee puns below. These hilarious jokes, puns and one-liners about coffee would make a great photo caption, text message, or email to share with those around you.

Best Funny Coffee Puns

• How are guys just like coffee?

The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

• What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

• What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

I asked for coffee.

• Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it was mugged.

• How does a coffee lover hit on a woman?

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Depresso.

• How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

• What’s black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.

• How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

• What did the coffee lover name his son?

Joe, obviously.

• What did the caffeine addict name his cats?

Cream and Sugar.

• How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

You channel surf faster without the remote.

• How does the serial killer like his coffee?

How he likes his women—all ground up.

• What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?

De-calf-inated!

• Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?

Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

• How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?

One person think its grounds for divorce.

• How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

You channel surf faster without the remote.

• How does the serial killer like his coffee?

How he likes his women—all ground up.

• What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?

De-calf-inated!

• Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?

Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

• How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?

One person think its grounds for divorce.

• What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?

Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!

• How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?

The Bible clearly says “He-brews”

Coffee Puns About Love

• You’re brew-ti-ful.
• Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
• You’re steaming hot!
• Sending you a whole latte love.
• It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
• We’re the perfect blend.
• Where have you bean all my life?
• I like you a latte.
• I’ve bean thinking of you a Latte.
• We are cool beans.
• Where you bean all my life?
• What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff!
• What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married? We’re meant to bean together!
• What do beans say to their Valentines? You keep me grounded.

 

Coffee Puns on Emotions

• Thanks a latte for me being my friend
• You mocha me very happy.
• You warm my heart.
• Bottomless thanks!
• I can’t fully espresso my excitement!
• What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
• Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
• Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
• How did the coffee show its love? It said, “Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me!”
• I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.