Looking for Funny Status, Funny Status for Fb? Pick any one of these hilarious, funny status updates and you are sure to get a comment storm! Here they are…

Funny Status for Facebook

• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
• A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
• Lucky for you, mirrors can’t laugh out loud.
• Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
• Why bother reading books? We have Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.
• I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
• Wife: I’m pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
• Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.
• Facebook is a place where people always think your status is about them.
• Those times when you say something stupid and think, ‘Yeah, that sounded way better in my head.’
• Editors at fashion magazines do a great job. Women continue to hate their bodies!
• That awkward moment when you write your password in the username space.
• I like my women like I like my weekend – short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• The longer the title the less important the job.
• Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
• Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).
• You can’t be late until you show up.
• Relationship Status: COMING SOON
• Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
• Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
• I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?

Funny Status Updates

• No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
• Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• If something’s not going right, try left.
• About to dance my feet silly!
• You think I’m not online. But I’m always here. Even if I’m not posting. I’m here. Scrolling. Judging.
• Calling someone without texting first is the new showing up unannounced.
• The only thing I gained from 2012 was weight.
• I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
• Smile while you still have teeth.
• I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.
• Keep calm and know Google can help you find a way to fix almost every problem. If not it will tell you who can fix it.
• Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn’t work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
• I think it’s cool how the word “OK” is a sideways person!
• Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
• The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
• Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
• The tooth fairy teach us to sell our body parts for money.
• I’m gonna stand outside. So if anybody asks, just say I’m outstanding!
• Men chase women they don’t intend to marry for the same reason dogs chase cars they don’t intend to drive.
• I accidentally bumped into my ex today… With my car… at 60mph… on purpose.
• No price tag means it’s free, put it in your pocket.
• Look, I’m not a smartass. All I’m saying is if you caught me officer, then you were speeding too.
• When I’m bored nobody text me but when I’m busy my phone blows up with text messages and calls.
• If two past lovers remain friends, its either they are still in love, or never were.
• If you talk behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass.
• I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
• If I only had a week to live and could go anywhere in the world, I think I’d go to the hospital cause that sounds serious.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
• The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
• Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• “LIKE” means, I have read it but I am too lazy to commment.