by Stewart Zayn
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Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.
New bio. Who’s this?
My bio is 99% loaded.
Used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
Not sure what I’m doing but I’m making the best of it.
Scratch here » « to see my secret bio.
Don’t grow up. It’s a trap!
We are born to be real, not perfect.
I’m not actually funny, I’m really mean and people think I’m joking. I’m not.
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
I might look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.
Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.
Out of my mind. Back in 5.
Winging it just like my eyeliner.
The bags under my eyes are designer.
I would run the world but the couch is right here.
Friday is my favorite F word.
I am on a journey of life. Wanna come? Agh! Press that follow button then.
You see, Everyone has a story but mine is a mystery.
We can only be as strong as our WiFi signal.
Posting for a friend and the friend is me.
Paper cut survivor.
Recommended by 4 out of 5 people.
My puns are always intended.
My craziness is not everyone’s cup of tea.
Turn that blue follow button to white.
Every moment you’re with me can turn into a big surprise.
Here to serve the cat overlords.
I write bios, not tragedies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
Viewer discretion advised.
I look exactly like my Bitmoji and that is my greatest accomplishment.
We can only be as strong as our WiFi signal.
Waste your time wisely.
I pause my anime just to post here.
Probably talking about the Patriots.
Professional inquiries only.
Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer to selectively participate.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
This is my life.
Welcome to my world.
Too rad to be sad.
Conquer from within.
Anything but predictable.
Born to shine.
Love without limits.
This is me.
We have tomorrows for a reason.
Just making sure to love life.
Creating my own sunshine.
A human. Being.
Wake. Play. Slay.
Not a worrier.
And amid Hell, she found her Heaven.
Reality is wrong. The dream is real.
One of a kind.
Decency is my jewel.
My attitude is my approach
Let’s live all of it.
Stop running and start living.
Flowing with life like a river.
Too busy to be upset.
Live a life where happiness is a precondition.
I am a combo of sweet and spice.
I only know that I know nothing.
Less care. Less stress.
Decency is my jewel.
Breakfast always comes first.
Sun’s out, buns out.
There’s no “we” in fries.
Food is the best medicine.
I apologize for anything I post while hungry.
Will there be snacks?
I see food and I eat it.
Just food pic after food pic.
I only leave the house for food.
Life’s uncertain. Eat dessert first.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
The secret ingredient is always cheese.
I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
Forever a snack.
The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me.
When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.
I make ice cream disappear. What’s your superpower?
Pretty much just pictures of food and my dog.
Hi, my hobbies include breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Taking a poll: coffee or tea?
Part-time sandwich eater.
Kind of a good samaritan, terrible athlete, but extremely blessed in the napping skills department.
Acting like summer & walking like rain.
Give me the chocolate and nobody will get hurt.
The future is shaped by your dreams. Stop wasting time and go to sleep!
This is my simple Coffee dependent life.
I need 6 months of vacation twice a year.
A Nomad in search of the perfect burger.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Don’t follow me because I don’t even know where I’m going.
I smile because I have no idea what is going on anymore.
Naturally and artificially flavored.
WiFi + food + my bed = PERFECTION.
All you hipsters need to stop wearing Nirvana shirts if you don’t even listen to them.
God gave me a lot of hair, but not a lot of height.
You can’t make everybody happy, you aren’t a jar of Nutella.
My only real long term goal is to end up on Ellen’s show.
Taking naps is so childish, I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.
It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
Don’t like me? Don’t care.
Bad decisions make for the best stories.
Never forget, the world is yours. Terms and conditions may apply.
Savage attitude but a golden heart.
Make peace with your broken pieces.
Why blend in when you born to stand out.
My life feels like Ambrosia. From the day I started living in his Vicinity.
When emotions start pouring…I start typing.
Let everything go, see what stays back. That’s yours.
To be brave is to love unconditionally without expecting anything in return.
Fabulous ends in “us” coincidence? I think not.
Just a cupcake looking for a stud muffin.
By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
You drink too much and gossip too much. Let’s be friends.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Lust won’t last and love won’t end.
Fair is where you get cotton candy.
Recommended by 4 out of 5 people who recommend things.
Sharing my happy thoughts.
Be a pineapple: Stand up straight, wear a crown and always be sweet on the inside.
Leave a little sparkle everywhere you go.
Keeping a golden state of mind.
Hooray for every day.
Always be you.
You can’t capture everything, but you can try.
I never lose. I win or I learn.
When it rains, look for the rainbow and whenever there’s darkness around, look for stars.
The best of me is yet to come.
Better an “oops” than a “what if.”
I’m the hero of my own story.
Sparkle and drown out the dark.
Victory is not always about winning the battle. But rising every time you fall.
Always wearing my crown.
Fill your life with experiences so you always have a great story to tell.
Real, not perfect.
Life includes free trips around the sun.
Stress doesn’t go with my outfit.
Becoming more of who I want to be everyday.
Happiness never goes out of style.
Just keep swimming.
Realizing that my life is so much better than my dreams.
Take care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live.
Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by a change.
Where dreams meet reality.
Always practice what you post.
Simple but significant.
Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.
Gotta live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.
Do more things that make you forget your phone.
All about saying yes to new adventures.
Leaving a bit of sparkle everywhere I go.
She turned her cant’s into cans and her dreams into plans.
Better an oops than a what if.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
When someone says you can’t do it, do it twice.
In a world where you can be anyone, be yourself.
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